Poem - black girl fearless, fearless black girl

I wrote this poem as a commission to celebrate a young woman making drastic changes in her life, but low-key I also wrote this poem to give me the strength to physically walk away from the fear that was gripping me. My confession; I was afraid of my own greatness. I have always known my light was bright, and I grew afraid of its illumination, but I came to a point where my light was propelling me into places I never thought I would go, so I had to make a choice. I had to decide if I was going to allow my light to be a blessing or a curse.

dear fear,
you tried it.

I place no blame on you,
after years and years of my bent back
bowing to your authority,
you thought you still had me wrapped around your little finger.
you re-named me timid, and I answered to it.
I needed you, you were safety to me.
you were home, and you were dear.

so one more time,
you just had to try it.
what was it that frightened you?
did you hear the rumbling murmurings of my freedom?
were you eavesdropping when the angels rejoiced at my deliverance?
when He split the seas for me to walk through it,
did you catch some of the holy, and start to melt?

which part of my back straightening so frightened you
that you had to try it just one more time?
whispering so loudly to remind me of my unworthiness.
masking the light with clouds of grey,
you had me thinking I was alone,
that this misfit wasn’t fit for
the supernatural assembly.

you had me thinking my scars were ugly,
bumpy and repulsive to his perfected love,
you told me my mental intricacies
disqualified me from the peace and joy he promises to all who believe.
you told me my stories were more lies than truth,
that my broken and contrite heart
was just pride in disguise.

you told me that I was more stupid than smart,
that my Black was more mud than gold.
that I deserved the gunshot wounds in my back,
that I deserved them touching me
in precious places because my body was a brothel,
deserving of the doors being kicked off its hinges.
that my children didn’t deserve parents, a village, and ancestors.
that my nappy wasn’t happy.
that my lips were too thick to desire kisses.
that my nose wasn’t artistic,
though statues bearing my bloodline have been carved into stone.

you told me that I didn’t matter.
that love was conditioned on me performing gratitude.
and You reminded me that I wasn’t graceful enough,
that clumsy children don’t get eat off the good sliver ware.
but fear, the light has set in.
the light flowed in.
the light exploded in,
and the truth has set me free.

dear fear, I am lit.
I know now what you were so trying so hard to take from me.
I am so lit that my new name is fearless Black girl.
and I answer to it proudly.
a new creature wrote this letter.
and I am the apple of his eye, bright like the morning star.
I am perfected.
I am black girl magic.
an illusion to those whose eyes have not seen,
an eerie melody to those whose ears have not heard.
I am black girl fearless.

fear, I am no longer your slave
cowering in corners
cornered by your voices loudly ringing in my ears,
rattling through my bones,
flowing Up and down my fingers,
disjointing my joints,
rooting my feet to your rotten floor boards.

fear, you are no longer dear to me.
and Whether you want to or not
you gon’  get this black girl fearless, fearless black girl today.
shining in forgiveness,
and bold in glory.
less of fear,
I am fearing you less.
fear, you no longer live here.

fear, I am no longer bound to your death,
because I am alive to freedom.
Ssigned, fearless black girl.

Lamoi. September 16, 2016

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